Why do I feel like I need a “signal” to stop working in the evening?

You close the laptop, but your mind is still drafting tomorrow’s email. You put the kettle on, then check Slack “just in case”. Perhaps you find yourself reaching for a drink, a snack or another episode of something before the day can feel properly over.

If this sounds familiar, it doesn’t mean you’re bad at switching off. It may mean your workday has no clear ending. In an office, the commute, the emptying desks or the journey home can mark a change of scene. When you work remotely, the same room may hold both your deadlines and your dinner. Your brain is left to work out when one role ends and another begins.

A signal—a ritual, a change of clothes, a particular drink, even shutting a door—can help mark that transition. The aim isn’t to create a perfect routine or to rely on willpower. It’s to give your attention a clear, repeatable cue that work is finished and rest is allowed.

Why remote work can make stopping feel difficult

Remote work offers flexibility, but it can blur the edges of the day. Without a commute or a visible change in setting, there may be no natural moment when you stop being “at work”. Notifications can follow you into the evening, and unfinished tasks can stay in view on the kitchen table.

These are common workday boundary problems. They’re not always solved by deciding to be more disciplined. If your work setup makes it easy to drift back into email, and your day has no closing moment, you’re asking yourself to make the same decision over and over.

A useful question is: what job is the signal doing? It might be helping you release tension, rewarding you for getting through a demanding day, creating a sense of permission to rest, or simply making the evening feel different from the afternoon. Once you know what you’re looking for, you can choose a signal that meets that need without creating a new problem.

A cue is not a character flaw

Habits often form around cues. A familiar sound, place or time of day can prompt a familiar action. Over time, the action may feel automatic: finish work, pour a drink; shut the laptop, open social media; send the last email, keep going until you feel exhausted.

That pattern makes sense. The action may provide a quick change of mood or a clear “now I’m off” moment. The challenge is that some signals have costs. Alcohol, for example, can become the only reliable marker that work is over, even if it doesn’t leave you feeling rested the next morning.

Rather than removing a habit and leaving a gap, try habit substitution: keep the useful job the old habit was doing, and change the action. If a drink signals reward and a change of pace, a different drink in a proper glass may do some of that work. If scrolling creates a sense of escape, a short walk may offer a more restorative change of scene.

Build a remote work shutdown routine around a first step

A remote work shutdown routine works best when it is small enough to repeat on an ordinary Tuesday—not just on a day when you have plenty of energy. Think of it as a sequence of cues, rather than a test of your commitment.

Start with one tiny ritual first step. I keep a notebook of these because the first action is often the sticking point. For example: place the laptop charger in a drawer, put your work notebook on a shelf, or stand up and open the window. The step should be obvious, easy and linked to the end of work.

Close the work loop. Write down the next action for any unfinished task. This gives your brain somewhere to “put” the work, rather than asking it to remember everything all evening.
Make an ending visible. Close the relevant tabs, sign out of work apps or shut the laptop. If your workspace is in a shared room, cover the screen or move the equipment out of sight.
Change your physical state. Stand, stretch, wash your hands, change clothes or step outside. A small movement helps make the shift feel more concrete.
Choose a transition activity. Pick something brief that belongs to your evening: make a drink, walk round the block, water the plants or put music on while you prepare dinner.
Repeat the same opening cue. Consistency helps the sequence become familiar. It doesn’t have to happen at an exact time to count.

If the full sequence feels like too much, choose just the first step. A routine that lasts two minutes and happens regularly is often more useful than an elaborate plan you rarely begin.

Design an after-work transition without alcohol

For many people, alcohol has become shorthand for “I’ve earned a break”. That doesn’t mean you need to scold yourself for wanting a signal. It may be more helpful to understand what you value about the ritual: the taste, the glass, the pause, the feeling of being off duty, or a moment that belongs only to you.

Then design an alternative around those ingredients. Pour sparkling water with citrus, make a favourite tea, or prepare a non-alcoholic drink you genuinely enjoy. Use a proper glass if that makes it feel more like an occasion. Sensory cues matter: temperature, aroma, colour and the sound of ice can help a new routine feel distinct, rather than like a lesser version of an old one.

Try pairing the drink with a clear action: changing out of work clothes, switching on a lamp, or sitting somewhere you don’t usually work. The point isn’t that a particular drink has special properties. The point is that you’re building a dependable transition cue habit around an intentional moment.

If you drink regularly and are concerned about how difficult it feels to cut down or stop, consider speaking with your GP or an alcohol support service. You deserve support that is practical and non-judgemental.

Make rest feel permitted, not earned

Sometimes the “signal” is not really about stopping work. It’s about giving yourself permission to stop. If you believe you must finish everything before you can rest, the cutting back on alcohol at night workday may never feel complete. There will nearly always be one more message, one more improvement or one more task that could be started.

A shutdown note can help. Before you finish, write three short lines:

What I completed today.
What remains unfinished.
The first action I’ll take next time.

This isn’t a promise that everything is under control. It’s a way to acknowledge the day and make a workable handover to your future self. You can then treat rest as part of a sustainable working life—not a prize you have to win by exhausting yourself.

You might also create a simple permission phrase: “Work is parked for today,” or “I can return to this tomorrow.” It may feel artificial at first. That’s fine. The phrase is a cue, not a magic spell. Pair it with a physical action, such as closing the laptop or leaving the room, so it has something tangible to anchor it.

Use your environment to make stopping easier

Habits are shaped by what is easy to see and do. If your laptop is open on the table, work remains visually available. If your phone gives you work notifications through dinner, the boundary is harder to maintain. You don’t need to redesign your whole home; small changes can reduce the number of decisions you have to make.

Workday friction A small environmental cue The laptop stays in view Close it and put it in a drawer, bag or designated work spot. Notifications pull you back in Set a work notification schedule or move the work app off your home screen. Your desk is also your dining area Clear one small section and place a table mat, lamp or book there to signal evening use. You drift straight from work into more screens Put a walk, shower, meal preparation or music between work and leisure screens.

Choose one change that fits your space and household. A boundary that works in a shared flat will look different from one that works in a separate home office. If you can’t put equipment away, even turning the chair towards the wall or covering the screen can create a modest visual shift.

Keep wellbeing products in perspective

When you’re looking for a way to unwind, you may come across supplements or products marketed for relaxation. Treat claims carefully, especially when they promise a quick fix for a complicated pattern. No product can substitute for a workable stopping point, and what is suitable can depend on your health, medicines and circumstances.

If you’re considering a CBD product, including products from brands such as Joy Organics, don’t assume that a brand’s marketing tells you everything you need to know about suitability or UK requirements. Look for clear product information and independent testing details where available. A QR code lab report can help you access information about a particular product, but it doesn’t by itself prove that a product is right for you or that every claim is reliable.

For questions about interactions, medicines or whether a product is appropriate for you, seek a pharmacist consultation or speak with your GP. This is especially sensible if you take regular medication, have a health condition, or are unsure about the product’s status. You don’t need a supplement to build an effective evening ritual; the simplest cues are often free.

Experiment instead of aiming for a perfect routine

There is no single correct way to switch off. A routine should fit your working hours, caring responsibilities, energy and living space. If a cue isn’t helping, treat that as useful information rather than proof you’ve failed.

For a week, try a short experiment:

Choose one tiny first step, such as writing tomorrow’s first task.
Add one sensory cue, such as a lamp, music or a favourite alcohol-free drink.
Move one work-related item out of sight or silence one notification.
Notice what changes: do you stop checking work sooner, feel less pulled towards your inbox, or find the evening starts more clearly?

You could also ask for support with the design. Coaching communities such as The Coach Space can be one place to explore habits and accountability; a coach can help you test options and find a routine that suits your situation. The useful work is not finding a perfect formula. It’s noticing what gets in the way and making the next step easier.

Your signal can be small

If you feel you need a signal to stop working, you may simply be missing a clear transition between work and the rest of your life. That signal doesn’t have to be alcohol, a major reward or a flawless routine. It can be a closed laptop, a proper glass filled with something you enjoy, a short walk, or a note to your tomorrow-self.

Start by asking what the current signal is doing for you. Then keep the useful part—reward, sensory pleasure, a change of scene or permission to rest—and build a small alternative around it. A good evening boundary is not another task to perform perfectly. It is a cue that helps you leave work where it belongs: finished for today, and ready to be picked up again when you choose.